Studying for the step 1 has to be the most daunting academic challenge I've ever had to overcome.
I'm finding that the stress of it has as much to do with the grueling hours spent and sheer quantity of material as it does the finality of the whole thing.
If I mess this up then I've essentially ruined any shot at being a successful doctor, a good doctor. Thats how it feels.
Similar to any standardized test in the past I am confident that at some point in my life I will look back on it and chuckle--vaguely remembering my score +/- 20 points because thats how little it will matter.
That thing is starting to happen where I'm violently oscillating between having too much time and too little all in the matter of hours. (clearly one of the stages of studying for me, for more check out this prior post: Note To (Future) Self
Times like these are a testament to the resilience of the human body and brain or more accurately, plasticity. A month ago--studying for finals--more than 4 hours of studying felt like too much. Anything less than 12 hours feels sub-par right now. Oddly there aren't enough hours in the day for what I've set out to accomplish, everyday I'm surprised by how much I intended to do that remains unchecked on my to do list.
There is something to be said for slipping outside for a few minutes and getting some fresh air and a reminder that the earth is still spinning, people are still living their everyday lives even though it feels like mine has come to a standstill.
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